Today is an 8 almost a 9

THIS IS MY MONDAY POST THAT I THOUGHT I LOST!! i FOUND IT! I'M SO STOKED!!


Today is an 8....yep on a scale of one to ten, today's pain level is an eight almost a nine. It sucks bad. I had to be at the Hospital at 9 am to see the doc first, before all the craziness started. I happened to pass him in the hallway and he smiled that half cocky smile at me and nodded but I wasn't quite in a 'good morning' kind of mood so I just ignored him. I was too busy concentrating on getting my ass into the nearest chair before I burst into tears. I asked the nurse if she was bringing me to the farthest room she could find and she said, "Yep, I think so" all cheery like.....I swear, if I would have been closer, and I could have let go of the wall, I would have slapped her up side the dam head! Pisses me off how these nurses walk like 20 miles an hour in front of you, all perky and shit and you're barley hobbling along hanging onto the wall for dear life, trying to see where the hell they went around the next corner! I know, I should have gotten a wheelchair in the lobby but I'm still too dam proud for that yet!
So the nurse does the usual lame nurse shit then leaves and the doc takes what seems like forever to show up! So I'm rubbing my legs, trying hard not to cry and wondering if I have enough time for a nap on the bed thingy they have in the room.....rub my hands together and massage them a bit, pick my nose, rub my legs, clean my fingernails, rub my legs, grab a magazine and read some lame ass story about some lady that had 6 kids in 5 yrs and how she's crying about not having enough time blah blah blah....shut your dam legs lady!! Rub my legs some more and finally the doc comes in and says "Boy, don't you look good today." I said, "Boy, are you ever a liar!" and I wasn't smiling!

So he says, all serious and stuff......let's start with the head.... how's that going. Told him the migraines are a better and not so harsh and if I lay down I can usually get rid of them and they don't last for days and days now. I can handle a headache. New drugs are working, yay me!
But I keep falling to the left, with or without a migraine/headache and I'm more off balance than before and fall easier and if I get bumped or start to feel off balance, it seems I always go to the left. Then he asked me which wall I held onto on the way here? I looked at him really weird and said..."You know, it was the left wall...why?" He just wrote something in his chicken scratch and wouldn't tell me but I didn't like the look on his face. I asked him again and he says he will find out soon enough, whatever that means.
So he went through the usual Fibro questions and pushing on the tender spots and I asked if he was trying to kill me.  He looked really serious and said, I'm really not touching you that hard and I really don't mean to hurt you but you're just that flared up right now...I just need to know this stuff....I'm really sorry if it hurts. So of course I cried....he didn't have to hurt me, he could have pointed and I could have told him it fucking HURTS. RIGHT. THERE., do not touch me!
So we moved onto the Peripheral Neuropathy...that was just as ugly. More pokes and pain and tears. I really hate this shit! My legs hurt dammit, why make me walk? My hands are numb and painful inside, why make me squeeze your hand? I know I have to but dammit, it hurts me!! I can't even light a lighter or button a button, hell my kid had to zip up my jacket so I could get to my dam appointment today without freezing!!
He asked me to describe the burning when I walk or stand....I said well take burning red golf balls, throw them in your shoes, now walk on ice picks poking on angles. His eyes got really big. He asked how they feel when I'm not walking..burning hot on the inside, freezing cold on the outside, sometimes, cramped, stabbing pains shooting through in random places, tingly like when your foot starts to wake back up and you wanna smack it and it hurts. I guess he heard enough of my descriptions cuz he didn't ask about any more areas... He should have asked, my legs are a bit different.... maybe he will next time.