Harmony had her Birthday party at the hotel Saturday. I couldn't tell you who all the kids and parents were because they all moved too fast for Angie to tell me who they all were! That didn't matter though. The kids had a blast swimming and eating junk food and juice and running up and down the stairs to the two water slides! Every time a kid yelled "Watch me!!"....every head in the pool area turned! They had a huge audience and took full advantage of it too! There were other kids there with their parents and they got in on the party too. That was one rocking pool, let me tell ya! It's a good thing they make you keep the food and drinks in the rooms though or those kids would have destroyed that pool room! LOL
For a whole room full of 2 to 6 yr olds running the place they all shared and watched out for each other pretty good. No big owies or fights or anything :)
Harmony will be here tomorrow for my Birthday! Or as she calls it...the big 5 - 0 day! Obviously she's been hearing her mother talk! lol She's been telling me all weekend what a big surprise she has for me and that she is making me the best present any grandma will ever get in the whole world! I can't wait to see it. Heck. I'll be amazed that she remembers to make it! LOL
I hate it when she's at her dad's house. She tries to make things for her mom or me and he won't help her or let her get out the glue and glitter and all the girly stuff she needs to make a mess, oops I mean pretty things for us. The man has no patience for her when it comes to girl things....just wait until she gets her period. Shit is gonna hit the fan and if he doesn't try to understand her at 6 yrs old, he sure as hell won't understand her at 12!! And I'm gonna laugh right in his face when he asks my daughter where he went wrong! LOL He's one of those guys that already KNOWS everything and God forbid you try to help him raise his daughter....
Harmony won't be here for the weekend though and that bums me out :( We got to have her the last 2, maybe 3 weekends in a row and I got spoiled having her anytime I wanted her. I will miss her swinging her little legs to the left of me on my desk and telling me her outlandish little stories that make no sense.
But tomorrow is my Birthday and I get to have whatever I want and I want my Harmony from after school until bedtime and that's what I will get for my present. I don't care if I get anything else. Her hugs and kisses and stories will have to last me awhile because she has to go back to her dad's the next day and it bums me out. Monday is a long ways away to see her again.
Divorce sucks for kids. I wish her Dad wasn't such an asshole and I wish I didn't have to pretend to be nice to him when Harmony's around.... She will figure out in her own due time what a prick he really is though. No one will have to tell her that. She will figure it out all on her own. But if she ever asks me for the truth of why her parents got divorced I will not lie to her or cover it up and make it sound good either. I'll tell her right out what a hateful, mean, monster her dad really is and that he should have spent more time in jail for what he did. Providing she at an age that she can understand it.
But anyhow, I got sidetracked- that happens when you turn 50 I guess! LOL
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Wow!
I was reading over my blog just now and man, talk about depressing!
Winter sucks, my life sucks but geez, it's really not all that bad.
I guess I was just using this blog as more of a sounding board for my bitchin' than for writing about the good stuff. I'll have to improve on that and show people the better side of myself. I'm really not this depressed sour faced old lady that sits around feeling sorry for herself but there are days that I just have to bitch or not make it through the day. lol
What I really need to learn to do is to post pictures on this blog. Then it'll really come alive, I think...
Anyone willing to teach me? I want a few pictures on the right side there >>> and some in my actual posts.
Winter sucks, my life sucks but geez, it's really not all that bad.
I guess I was just using this blog as more of a sounding board for my bitchin' than for writing about the good stuff. I'll have to improve on that and show people the better side of myself. I'm really not this depressed sour faced old lady that sits around feeling sorry for herself but there are days that I just have to bitch or not make it through the day. lol
What I really need to learn to do is to post pictures on this blog. Then it'll really come alive, I think...
Anyone willing to teach me? I want a few pictures on the right side there >>> and some in my actual posts.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Today is an 8 almost a 9
THIS IS MY MONDAY POST THAT I THOUGHT I LOST!! i FOUND IT! I'M SO STOKED!!
Today is an 8....yep on a scale of one to ten, today's pain level is an eight almost a nine. It sucks bad. I had to be at the Hospital at 9 am to see the doc first, before all the craziness started. I happened to pass him in the hallway and he smiled that half cocky smile at me and nodded but I wasn't quite in a 'good morning' kind of mood so I just ignored him. I was too busy concentrating on getting my ass into the nearest chair before I burst into tears. I asked the nurse if she was bringing me to the farthest room she could find and she said, "Yep, I think so" all cheery like.....I swear, if I would have been closer, and I could have let go of the wall, I would have slapped her up side the dam head! Pisses me off how these nurses walk like 20 miles an hour in front of you, all perky and shit and you're barley hobbling along hanging onto the wall for dear life, trying to see where the hell they went around the next corner! I know, I should have gotten a wheelchair in the lobby but I'm still too dam proud for that yet!
So the nurse does the usual lame nurse shit then leaves and the doc takes what seems like forever to show up! So I'm rubbing my legs, trying hard not to cry and wondering if I have enough time for a nap on the bed thingy they have in the room.....rub my hands together and massage them a bit, pick my nose, rub my legs, clean my fingernails, rub my legs, grab a magazine and read some lame ass story about some lady that had 6 kids in 5 yrs and how she's crying about not having enough time blah blah blah....shut your dam legs lady!! Rub my legs some more and finally the doc comes in and says "Boy, don't you look good today." I said, "Boy, are you ever a liar!" and I wasn't smiling!
So he says, all serious and stuff......let's start with the head.... how's that going. Told him the migraines are a better and not so harsh and if I lay down I can usually get rid of them and they don't last for days and days now. I can handle a headache. New drugs are working, yay me!
But I keep falling to the left, with or without a migraine/headache and I'm more off balance than before and fall easier and if I get bumped or start to feel off balance, it seems I always go to the left. Then he asked me which wall I held onto on the way here? I looked at him really weird and said..."You know, it was the left wall...why?" He just wrote something in his chicken scratch and wouldn't tell me but I didn't like the look on his face. I asked him again and he says he will find out soon enough, whatever that means.
So he went through the usual Fibro questions and pushing on the tender spots and I asked if he was trying to kill me. He looked really serious and said, I'm really not touching you that hard and I really don't mean to hurt you but you're just that flared up right now...I just need to know this stuff....I'm really sorry if it hurts. So of course I cried....he didn't have to hurt me, he could have pointed and I could have told him it fucking HURTS. RIGHT. THERE., do not touch me!
So we moved onto the Peripheral Neuropathy...that was just as ugly. More pokes and pain and tears. I really hate this shit! My legs hurt dammit, why make me walk? My hands are numb and painful inside, why make me squeeze your hand? I know I have to but dammit, it hurts me!! I can't even light a lighter or button a button, hell my kid had to zip up my jacket so I could get to my dam appointment today without freezing!!
He asked me to describe the burning when I walk or stand....I said well take burning red golf balls, throw them in your shoes, now walk on ice picks poking on angles. His eyes got really big. He asked how they feel when I'm not walking..burning hot on the inside, freezing cold on the outside, sometimes, cramped, stabbing pains shooting through in random places, tingly like when your foot starts to wake back up and you wanna smack it and it hurts. I guess he heard enough of my descriptions cuz he didn't ask about any more areas... He should have asked, my legs are a bit different.... maybe he will next time.
Today is an 8....yep on a scale of one to ten, today's pain level is an eight almost a nine. It sucks bad. I had to be at the Hospital at 9 am to see the doc first, before all the craziness started. I happened to pass him in the hallway and he smiled that half cocky smile at me and nodded but I wasn't quite in a 'good morning' kind of mood so I just ignored him. I was too busy concentrating on getting my ass into the nearest chair before I burst into tears. I asked the nurse if she was bringing me to the farthest room she could find and she said, "Yep, I think so" all cheery like.....I swear, if I would have been closer, and I could have let go of the wall, I would have slapped her up side the dam head! Pisses me off how these nurses walk like 20 miles an hour in front of you, all perky and shit and you're barley hobbling along hanging onto the wall for dear life, trying to see where the hell they went around the next corner! I know, I should have gotten a wheelchair in the lobby but I'm still too dam proud for that yet!
So the nurse does the usual lame nurse shit then leaves and the doc takes what seems like forever to show up! So I'm rubbing my legs, trying hard not to cry and wondering if I have enough time for a nap on the bed thingy they have in the room.....rub my hands together and massage them a bit, pick my nose, rub my legs, clean my fingernails, rub my legs, grab a magazine and read some lame ass story about some lady that had 6 kids in 5 yrs and how she's crying about not having enough time blah blah blah....shut your dam legs lady!! Rub my legs some more and finally the doc comes in and says "Boy, don't you look good today." I said, "Boy, are you ever a liar!" and I wasn't smiling!
So he says, all serious and stuff......let's start with the head.... how's that going. Told him the migraines are a better and not so harsh and if I lay down I can usually get rid of them and they don't last for days and days now. I can handle a headache. New drugs are working, yay me!
But I keep falling to the left, with or without a migraine/headache and I'm more off balance than before and fall easier and if I get bumped or start to feel off balance, it seems I always go to the left. Then he asked me which wall I held onto on the way here? I looked at him really weird and said..."You know, it was the left wall...why?" He just wrote something in his chicken scratch and wouldn't tell me but I didn't like the look on his face. I asked him again and he says he will find out soon enough, whatever that means.
So he went through the usual Fibro questions and pushing on the tender spots and I asked if he was trying to kill me. He looked really serious and said, I'm really not touching you that hard and I really don't mean to hurt you but you're just that flared up right now...I just need to know this stuff....I'm really sorry if it hurts. So of course I cried....he didn't have to hurt me, he could have pointed and I could have told him it fucking HURTS. RIGHT. THERE., do not touch me!
So we moved onto the Peripheral Neuropathy...that was just as ugly. More pokes and pain and tears. I really hate this shit! My legs hurt dammit, why make me walk? My hands are numb and painful inside, why make me squeeze your hand? I know I have to but dammit, it hurts me!! I can't even light a lighter or button a button, hell my kid had to zip up my jacket so I could get to my dam appointment today without freezing!!
He asked me to describe the burning when I walk or stand....I said well take burning red golf balls, throw them in your shoes, now walk on ice picks poking on angles. His eyes got really big. He asked how they feel when I'm not walking..burning hot on the inside, freezing cold on the outside, sometimes, cramped, stabbing pains shooting through in random places, tingly like when your foot starts to wake back up and you wanna smack it and it hurts. I guess he heard enough of my descriptions cuz he didn't ask about any more areas... He should have asked, my legs are a bit different.... maybe he will next time.
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